My two lips are Sealed

Have you ever been startled by your own voice? I have, lots of times. Infact all the time. I am by nature a very quiet person. Atleast that is how I appear form a distance i.e. to the people who aren’t as close to me. While I’m quiet I have whole conversations in my head, reach logical/illogical conclusions by myself, and crack jokes that crack me up. It’s an entire world happening in my head. On the rare occasion that I do happen to blurt something out the look on my face is identical to that of the people around me, who happened to have heard me; shocked. It takes some time to recover from the shock before I can comprehend the implications of what I’ve said and then device a rescue. Another two words stumble out of my mouth, still incoherent to the world. I resign to my world and everybody else as a lost cause.
It takes a lot out of me to make a verbal oral conversation with people the normal way. I’ve been practicing saying ‘Hi’ to people. Yes, I have to make a conscious effort to say ‘Hi’ to people, I used to smile or nod before i started this excercise.
When you’re this closed to the outside world, people tend to form different notions of you. Some think you’re a snobbish bitch who thinks it’s beneath her to talk to them or you have an ego the size of Atlantis. Some think you’re trying to play mind games with them by just smiling at them. Most often they just assume you are dumb. It’s a tough job to juggle so many images/mis-images at the same time.
It’s a tough life, living quietly. You tend not to have friends or just few friends. It is extremely difficult to express yourself, your feelings, you happiness, your sadness. You find yourself incapable of sharing your emotions, of approaching anybody for help. Then out of shear desperation you turn to the Arts, the alternative form of expression. It is an introvert’s attempt to reach out.

PS: Please don’t approach me personally asking me questions about this blog; I don’t think I’ll be able to answer them.