Thursday, December 29, 2005

Plastic flowers

You became someone else
When you smiled for someone else
You died and can never be yourself again
You're not real, nor are your emotions
Your thought is borrowed
So are your devotions

Sunday, December 25, 2005

In the shadows...

...of my mind

5 hours and 2 movies* later my head feels heavy – heavier than lead. A wasted day – my conscience is guilty – guilt, I’m doomed to. And my dreams are as troubled as my conscience. Maybe I’ll never be able to shrug it off; hopefully it’ll wash off like a bad dream. But this feeling is so part of me now. It haunts me without reason, even. Even on a well deserved vacation’s lazy Sunday afternoon when I’m chilling at home lying around watching TV it’ll slowly creep up from behind like the camera in those ghost movies and breath down my neck, drumming in my head “you’re not supposed to be wasting your life like this, you’re supposed to getting some work done. There must be some unfinished thing-to-do!” Whirr and whirr it goes on in my head and I cringe with the motion sickness like uneasiness that makes me want to puke. But I just lie there still, unmoving like a tub of lard.

Too disgustingly graphic ? Depressions do good to writing skills eh :D
Claimer: Some line have been lifted from music currently playing: Behind blue eyes – the who, in the shadows – The Rasmus.
*Bourne Supremacy followed by Gothika.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Enter Sandman

Sand flowing out of my ears, sand in my pants, sand going crunch between my teeth, sand on my face.

Where have I been?
Well, the desert of course!

What have I been doing?
'Sand boarding' down a dune or to admit honestly 'tumbling' would be a more apt verb to use here :D.

How do you sand board?
You first buy a ticket to the Swiss Alps, throw snow in the eyes of a swiss man, steal his board and fly back to Dubai (or any other desert land) or you can just go on a Desert Safari with all your friends for 85 die-rums only.

What do u even see in a desert safari? different types of snakes, birds of prey and camels?
Nah none of that!!! No, no this is not at all like an African Safari. Ok, there are camels there, but they come all dressed up for the occasion with crotia muzzels and jhumkaas. What you also see in a desert Safari more importantly is The Belly Dancer, who also shows you how to make a move or two.

So you think I can get some action at a desert Safari?
If being tossed around senseless, with 6 other people within the confines of a re-inforced SUV when the whole thrill is about the surprise element of the rollercoaster ride because you have no idea what the maniac at the wheel is going to do next, is your idea of action, then yes action is the agenda. This activity by the way is referred to as ‘Dune Bashing’, comes highly recommended. I say go on as many rounds as you can!!! Errr…just don’t eat too much before you get into the car.

Whatelse ?
Bah! You’re just not satisfied easy, are you! What you can also do at the desert safari is recreate you’re beach volleyball experience minus the music of the waves crashing, dress up like a girl if you are a guy, organize party games that involve collecting junk like toffee wrappers and sunglasses, tug-off wars, tying balloons to you’re shoes, stepping on you’re friends toes …errr...alll this is optional … enjoy a barbecue under the moonlight, dance like an idiot till you drop and last but not the least strike a pose and flash a smile when the photographer comes by.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

High Spirits

City lights twinkling softly as you gaze downwards from the 24th floor of the Jumeirah Beach tower. Street lights streaking across like golden ribbons, intricately crisscrossing. A draft from the Arabian Sea blows against your face piercing your skin like icy needles, ruffling through your hair, rustling, sending a spasm down your spine and in the schism of the all enveloping darkness of the night you’re transported to another dimension. You’re with friends with wo've let their guard down with a little help from the alcohol in theirs and your systems. Some pouring their hearts out, others listening genuinely and you’re smiling away to glory. You’re not drunk, you’re happy.
Suddenly it all shatters as if ‘The Rock’ had entered the rink. The discontinuity between my mundane existence and the subliminality of this moment so seriously disrupted my perception of reality that being woken up with a jerk at 6 AM next morning, even before the sun decided to show up, was mental trauma beyond human endurance. I survived.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Accounting for my sins

Damn! Why do I always end up blogging just before an exam!!!!!
I have a double scoop comprehensive exam in cost accounting and financial accounting coming right up, which will be served to me piping hot tomorrow morning sharp at 10 am…and what am I doing?! I’m blogging about it.
I don’t know whether liabilities appear on the left or the right side of the balance sheet. Hell payments and receipts, incomes and expenditures will somebody tell me what the bloody difference is!
I’ve studied for both the subjects, twice before – the mid-terms and the end-terms. I was super prepared for at least one of them. Then why doesn’t anything come back to me right now?!!! I’ll have to start studying all this from scratch and I sincerely don’t know where scratch is.
The fact that I know that even if I know this subject in and out today and practice every problem in that book, it’s not even going to be a blotch in my mind the minute I leave the examinations hall tomorrow. There will be no value addition. I refuse to do clerk work. It’ll come to me when I need it and even if it doesn’t I’ll do the one day crash I’m saving on today. If I can cram today, I can cram tomorrow.
This blog is going to cost me big time. It’s going to cost me a C in the costing exam. But the return on investment is far greater than the cost, now at least I’ll have my peace of mind.
Yippieee I Blogged tooo! :D

Now I should probably start studying…what do you think I should start with? Hmmm…wait lemme flip a coin. Ah the tough decision we managers have to make! :)

Have a good day people. God loves you all.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

This n that

Not feeling particularly inspired today, writing just because I have the time to do so. There were so many times, since I last posted, when I was rearing to blog, but personal time is guilty time around here. Been long since the last update. So many things have transpired since.
We finally celebrated the end of the semester. Ended the spate of classes with a really happy happy IT in business Class with Professor Prem Puri, or should I say Mr. Prem Puri of IBM. Wow, such a nice person to have known. You know what I’ve realized , the higher up the ladder you go the humbler the people there are. Puri was such a darling. He was so considerate and sympathizing. One of the very few profs who treated us like human beings with thinking minds and not like lab rats out for a riot. I want to work for IBM. *Heeeee *
Went to a friend’s aunt’s place for Navratri lunch, yesterday. Such warm people. I felt so comfortable around them. Her aunt fed us with so much love. What scrumptious food. So what if I couldn’t understand or even pronounce the names of any of the dishes. I eat to my hearts content. Oh the homemade Gulab jamuns we had for dessert …my mouth’s still watering at the thought. Wish we’d brought some home. Bless all of her family, all her aunties and uncles, cousins and siblings, nieces and nephews and the rest of the family tree..you get the drift.
Spoke to a cousin today. Online. He’s such a cutie pie. I told him I lost my old phone – he got worried. I told him I bought a new one - he said he knew dal mein kuch kala hai. Lol. He’s finally graduated as a bachelor of Pharmacy. As expected, his family is forcing him to start handling the pharceutical factories they own. He’s not interested one bit. Says he’s gonna run off to UK or Australia next year. I asked him what he’s gonna do there.. he replies “who nahin socha, bas bhagna hai sochliya”. I hope he decides to stay. We’ve really had some good times together. You know before those stupid family gatherings … the first question that comes up, “Bhaiya log aarahe hain?” and they say,” Neha, chikky aayenge tohi hum aayenge”. Now what are we going to do at those family parties without them!
Another Bhaiya is currently on a train to Mathura nayi-naveli bhabhi sahit. Mujhe toh yeh Bunty-babli vale lakshan nazar aarahe hain. My bhabhi’s such a sweetu. I remember, poor thing wanted to take us all out to have a good time and you know just to get comfortable and mingle with the family. And by some odd play of fortune she ended up taking the entire family , including her saas-sasur and unke bade chote bhaiyon ki family, her parents and siblings, to ‘kya cool hain hum’. For the benefit of those who haven’t seen the movie, I’m not going to describe it. Bhabhi comes up to me and sez to me ki abh mujhe mummyji (mother-in-law) se baat karne se bhi dar lagraha hai. God! That was so hilarious. Everyone came out of the hall, with this expression that everything they saw or heard in the last 3 hrs had been expunged from their memory. Ah…my family is chill...everybody was cool about it.
I’ve really rambled on senselessly, and I’m going to shamelessly post it too, unedited. It was fun and I’m feeling lighter and happier now. Hope it was not too irritating to read.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Marketing Independence

14th August, 2005: Woke up fresh after catching up on about 7 hours of sleep(luxury ultimatus, by B-school standards), brushed, washed, and sat down to study. Study what?! Marketing Management, one of my favourite subjects…or so I thought. I opened that textbook for the first time. My first reaction: Wow! Colour print! Not LPE (Low priced edition)? I checked the cover only to conclude to my surprise, it is LPE. Jai Kotler! What a man; practicing what he’s preaching, differentiating his product by colouring the LPEs.

Half an hour of reading later, I realise I’m still on the first page and not a word’s gone in. Start surfing the book, still admiring the carefully picked colour scheme. Notice every chapter starts with a quote by Kotler titled “Kotler on marketing”. “That’s odd!”, I say to myself, “Is not this book by Kotler? How can you quote yourself in your own book?” That’s when it dawned upon me Kotler is in fact ‘Quote-ler’ misspelled. Ah, a revelation, bas abh mera din safal hogaya! I had exhausted the maximum utility derivavle from the day. So I can be sitting with the book gaping at me all day and not be able to let it have any impact on my knowledge or understanding of marketing. It was a day long session of yapping with my roomy, interspersed with guest appearances by the next door neighbours looking to take a break from being mind-fucked by Qoute-ler.

So after an entire day of bheja frying when,$ at ten in the night, you realise you’re still absolutely unprepared for the big exam the next day. Panic sets in. I throw a tantrum, “Why the hell do we have to go early to KV (that’s where our college is college) tomorrow just to sing the National Anthem? can’t we just do it after the exam?!!!”
My roomy responds in a serious tone, “None of the people would stay back. This is the only way to get them to attend it”.
The neighbour and I respond in chorus, “You shouldn’t have to force people to attend. The entire purpose is defeated if people don’t attend it out of their own will.” One of us, “Do you think just because a person doesn’t stand and sing the national anthem on Independence Day makes him less patriotic? He could be contributing in a much more constructive way to the nation, maybe through donations or social work or something”.
She responds,” It’s the least you can do for your country.”
I continue,”Can you actually disrespect a country by not standing for an anthem? I mean, it’s just a song! Isn’t your country greater than that?”
She reasserts,” It’s the least you can do for your country. And I get very pissed when I see somebody sitting while the Jana Gana Mana is being sung. I’d ask them to either stand up or leave.”
The neighbour and I look at each other wide eyed and mouth gaping in absolute astonishment. Turn back to look at her and again in a sort of a chorus, “What gives you the right to order anyone to do anything?! You just do this because you’ve been brought up to believe that, that is the right thing to do.”
Roomy retorts, “Well, when you’re living in a society there are some rules that must be followed. Patriotism is a very sensitive issue for me and it’d be better if you don’t argue with me about it.”

Her reply was something that reinforced our view of her philosophy, the philosophy we were battling. It was a lost cause, she was too adamant and we had another 8 chapters to go before the exam next day. It was 1 AM. We didn’t have the time. We buried our heads into qoutler again, my mind still whirring aloud.


Music: We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control...

PS: I'm so peeved that this post is two weeks late. Even the event that inspired this one had blurred in my memory by the time i got down to writing about it. There is so much more to be said...but perhaps that will be another day, another argument.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

The Problem with Prose

Now lets finally get down to the topic I had set out to talk about last time and lost sight of on the way. I apologise. Got caught up, lost track.
So what be the question?! The question be’th, Why verse? I ask, why not!

Let’s start from the very beginning.

When I discovered this absolutely fascinating concept of blogging, I set out on a expedition of the blog world; researched its origin, the meaning of the word itself, its etymology, etc etc. Read a lot of blogs in the in the process. Something struck me quite stark; The blog world is this vast expanse of unbridled, unregulated expression. Frankly because the free spirit, I like to believe, I am, it was this very quality about blogging that appealed to me. But there’s a flipside to this laawarisness: mediocrity. There’re innumerable blogs out there where people just whine endlessly about how the high point of their day was when they got that cup of coffee from the office vending machine and some still brighter souls don’t even bother to put in original work. They copy-paste articles from the net, defeating the very purpose of a blog. Ergo, I vowed, never to whine …on a blog at least. My blog was going to be different.

Now how does one go about being different? My firm belief is; by being themselves. What is me? Me is lazy. Too lazy to read. The thought of wading through those never ending verbose blogs always harrows me. My blog had to be something I’d like to read myself too, and of course write, equally lazy about writing ( I know it doesn’t look like it now, but it's true)
In poetry what I'm able to say in four words, I can’t ever expres through prose even in a thousand words. In poetry each word’s more potent and ponderous than the other. Poetry understands the value of and respects every written letter; never indulging in the frivolity of prose. And the more dripping with meaning a phrase is, the more number of interpretations it spawns. I’ve always been an ardent believer of Derrida’s philosophy, at least have been since my intoduction to him, which was only after his sad demise and I stumbled upon his obituary. His legacy: The theory of deconstruction! Ain’t no theory like it even in the farthest reaches of the universe. To quote from that article:
theory of deconstruction — the re-reading or breaking down of a text to show the multiple meanings at work within language. Focussing mainly on language, he contends that the traditional or metaphysical reading of a text makes a number of false assumptions — that language is capable of expressing constant and unchanging ideas, that the author of a text is the only source of its meaning and that in the hierarchy of language, writing is secondary to speech.” Nothing subscribes to this philosophy like poetry.

So when insomnia takes over me on some breezy moonless night, I'll give into that higher power and get inspired.Grab a pen and scramble for paper. It is a spontaneous overflow of emotion that we put in words.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Verse or Worse?

Feminine tendency to versify

Read that statement and curses went flying out of my mouth like pots and pans would if I were standing in a kitchen. Feminine tendency! To versify! Ha! Let me point out that there are a lot more poets in the world than poetesses, a lot more famous male artists than female artist (although this is a topic worth discussing, we’ll save it for another day). Of course the only argument that supports the statement quoted here is the theory that Shakespeare is/was actually a woman, i.e., people believe that all of Shakespeare’s works was ,in reality, written by a woman.She just used apna Shakes-Appa-Iyer’s name to be able to publish her work …now we all know what reasons must have compelled her to do a thing as painful as let some cheesey guy take credit for all her creative.

I’m generally not such a feminist, and even if I am, am not so vehement about it. But lately things have been piling up. Some comments flung casually here n there.

Guy: “She listens to rock music! Surprising.”, in absolute disbelief.
Me: “Why?”, miffed by the exclamation.
Guy: “No, you just don’t expect a girl like her to listen to rock”.
Me: One eyebrow raised with the what-the-hell-are-you-saying expression on my face.
Guy: “Girls who listen to rock are more punky”

Well, fortunately, another guy anticipated the violence to follow and intervened with some one-liner that solicited some laughter and put me off track.He got to go home believing his superman vision saved the day.

The final statement that really did the tadka in my plain daal was this:
“Even the most conservative girls started using this colloquial frivolity”
Of course the conservative boys never caught up only, poor fellas.

Coming up next “The Opinionated and The Oblivious”.
But before that "Vhy Verse".

Disclaimer: The views expressed are absolutely temporary and passing. This is not what the author set out to write, although it never is, but since she has written it foregoing an assignment in economics it must be published. A lot of this has been inspired by many people but sources have not been mentioned for reasons like cowardice and sensitivity. Quotes have been edited for impact.

PS: Since this blog has turned out to be so acerbic and kind of a person thrashing round the disclaimer was necessary. :)

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Here Goes Nothing

Sadly procrastination has always gotten the better of me. Never figured out what the source of this reluctance was. Enjoy writing, created a blog coupla times(5..no 7..err lost count). well another bullet in the list of mysteries of the universe. Maybe i was just too lazy. Maybe i'm so much of a perfectionist that no peice of writing is perfect enough to be posted as a representation of me. Or just been busy, perhaps. whatever the reason being,
whether i'm able to answer that question or not is inconsequential. Atleast that's how it seems for now. What is important is i'm here, and have come this far. And one things for sure ... I'm really good at making up excuses :)

Here's the URL to my older blog.
http://parchment.fullhydblogs.com
Close to my heart. Special coz first baby. lotsa emotions attached.
This blog will probably be a continuation of that one...mebbe just a complement. Not sure. Not thought about it. Lets see how things progress. i like to go with the flow. If you're planning to follow up regularly ...this is going to be one frustrating relationship with fickle-headed me. what say? Game ?